Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Good Guy Syndrome

I have a huge problem: I'm dating a really nice guy.
It's terrible. He opens doors for me, shows affection, and always remembers my name.

On our first date, he reached for my hand while we were walking. I shook it.

"No, no. I want to hold your hand."

The words sounded funny coming from neither John nor Paul and without the back-up of George Harrison's hand clapping. Nevertheless, I obliged, offering up my right hand as a sacrifice to the dating gods.

It wasn't too long into the hand holding that I began to get antsy: How long do we have to do this? Should I be moving it around--massaging, caressing? My hand is getting really sweaty--is it OK to break away? Damn it, I must! My hand feels like it's covered in vegetable oil! And it's just sitting there, defenseless, in the dark, unable to move or cry out for help. I just ... need ... to...

"Give me my hand back!"

Well, at least it wasn't awkward. My date looked at me like he wanted to give the whole night back. But, like I said, he is such a nice guy, and seems to really like me, so he let it go--literally. The poor fool.

I've always had a thing for the "bad boys" and musicians, although I guess that's rather redundant. Maybe it's the thrill of the chase more than the badness factor, though. The guys who don't care are harder to catch, but once caught, the interest level plummets.

My mind keeps telling me I'm getting too old to keep going after just-for-fun and dead-end relationships and any relationships that involve hyphenations, but my emotions sometimes shout over these thoughts, and before I know it, I am back to my old ways, smiling at the guy on lead guitar with the cigarette dangling out of his mouth and the dangerous glint in his eyes.

Which brings me back to my nice guy situation. He neither plays an instrument (I will restrain myself from making a joke here), nor has a body-piercing of any kind, and always buckles his seatbelt for safety. He laughs when I tease him, but never teases me, and as much as I'd like to think there's nothing to tease me about, I know that's just not the case. I have an unfortunate Most Outrageous TV Moments addiction, and a tendency to wiggle my fingers a la Homer Simpson whenever I see pastries. But that is neither here nor there.

The point is, nice guys can sometimes be too nice--it lends itself to blandness. I mean, never cracking a joke at someone else's expense, or indulging in some gossip, or laughing at the people who make a mad dash for the T only to wipe-out in a humongous puddle--how fun is that? Even the Beatles, with all their "I Wanna Hold Your Hands" and "Michelle," my belles got crazy with a "Revolution" once in awhile.

Despite my hesitations, I'm not going to give up on our new relationship just yet, because, well, good guys are really hard to find and I'd be the fool not to give it a chance. And who knows? He might dump me when he finds out I canceled a date to watch a new episode of Most Outrageous TV Moments. Whatever the outcome, though, I know it's gonna be alright, alright.